08-03-2025

HELLOOOOO... New page dropped. I might use this as a blog page from time to time :3 Or maybe not. It's been feeling really weird to be personal and honest online lately, so I might delete this page out of the blue xD I keep wanting to run away over and over again when I feel like people know too much about me...

I hate social media partially for this reason, other than the data stealing and overwhelming distractions. It sucks because I feel like as an artist, I can never truly leave. Nowadays, I've been very interested in game dev, and I know damn well that there's nothing else to do as an aspiring indie dev than market online -_-;

I'm trying to find a balance that makes me happy. I don't want to be overly involved in social media spaces because it is genuinely terrible for my mental health, as cliche as it sounds. I... really don't like who I am when I'm online. This isn't about my online persona. It's a genuine, inseparable part of me that I'm fond of. I mean the way I act among other people. All I want to do when I make a new connection is sever it. I even considered that I may be aplatonic a few weeks ago because of how strong my aversion to connection is... At the same time, I don't want people to read this and think I'm an asshole...! I'm not!!!! Just conflicted, and very, very scarred...

I don't really consider myself aplatonic. However, it did make me realize that I enjoy much more than friendship this feeling of... professionalism. I call it the "coworker zone"... I feel much more comfortable in conversation when there are rules and etiquettes to follow. Is this a symptom of being virgo brained? Probably. It's ridiculous how accurate my birth chart is...

But I digress. Honestly, the main takeaways here are that I hate socmed but I'm trying to figure out the best place to integrate at a minimum, and that I'm trying my hand at gamedev. I actually already got started on drawing sprites, lol... Now comes the actual programming :,)

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